“We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped”. Psalm 124v7
Escape… it’s what this blog has been about. I started it at a point of deep frustration, trapped by circumstances with no possible exit. I was emotionally thrashing about looking for ways to cope, ways to accept the boundaries having a son with a brain tumour put on us. We had to stay put in our too-large family home in order to be near him. A shadow lay over the future and planning seemed impossible. In addition my husband’s working hours left us little time together: I was lonely and at a loose end.
Having never had a career I’ve been trying to reinvent myself for the past few years, desperate to find a new lease of life like so many of my friends seem to when their kids become independent, but under the unusual circumstances, probably still grieving over all that has been lost, wading through depression, it’s difficult to find the energy required. I guess many other people have these issues for various reasons – it’s the stuff of life. We are all trapped by situations, emotions, financial constraints, responsibilities. Escaping down memory lane or into a beautiful garden, going away on holiday for a while or taking in a movie – all these things can help.
Writing itself has been a therapeutic outlet, though I still don’t really understand the impetus to share one’s deepest feelings with an unknown audience via the internet! I have had a love/hate relationship with it, which guess is why I’ve stopped blogging over the past months, since completing the crazy Haiti journey. Writer’s block so quickly takes hold – all that feeling stupid and “who cares anyway?” and “what’s the point?“
Shaving my head and going to Haiti! That was a strange way of ‘escaping’ and no mistake! Perhaps the extreme circumstances of our lives actually led to it – a project to be involved in, an all-consuming venture that took my hair and heart: it certainly gave us something bigger to think about! Anyway, through the recovery and growth of my grey hair and into this new year another plan was forming, again born out of desperation and the longing to escape…
As a result here I am on a warm summer day, sitting outside the beautiful classical building of New Walk museum in the centre of Leicester, making use of their Costa coffee and Cloud Wifi, with a perfect view of the Georgian house opposite where we now live during the week! It’s a rented flat paid for by having lodgers in our family home, from where my hubby can easily walk to work and right in the heart of the city so we can enjoy it’s restaurants and entertainments. What a gift!
Thinking outside the box has definitely led to a new lease of life! 11 miles away, Sam remains well and we can see him at weekends – when I can also enjoy my garden without the noise of the nursery children next door. If he needs us or wants a change of scenery the train ride is very easy, 30 minutes door to door. There are still things to go home for – broadband, TV, a washing machine – home comforts and a longstanding community. But meanwhile this is my outside office.
Here in the sunshine I have found some peace – and so at last I am drawn back to this page in an attempt to tie up the loose ends of the past 8 months of silence and make some sense of it all.
Look! I’m writing again!